Today was the "Kids Annual Fishing Day" at Salem Pond. It's an opportunity for kids with a disability to catch a fish. An event Brian looks forward to every year. So much in fact that tomorrow he will already be talking about going next year. Jason has been the one to go with Brian since he was in preschool. This year Jason couldn't go so it was my turn. "Bad Mom" confession coming up...please don't judge until you finish reading this entire post. I can honestly say I was not looking forward to this. I am not sure exactly what my aversion was...I didn't want to catch a fish, clean a fish, be around 1500+ people... I really don't know what my problem was. When I woke up this morning I promised that my bad attitude would not ruin Brian's day...really mature of me, I know. I put on a big smile and got on the bus (yep, a big yellow school bus). Already I was starting to relax and even got a little excited. The people that organize this event are absolutely incredible. They are so well organized that you feel like you are one of a only a few dozen people there. We signed in, got a "fish bag", Brian got his hat, and we headed off to eat. After eating...the food was actually good...we headed down to the bank to fish. The volunteers were so patient and kind. They handed Brian a fishing rod and told him to start reeling in...the fish are pre-hooked and cast out...my kind of fishing!!! Brian was so excited when he saw the fish getting closer. The grin on Brian's face was almost as big as the grin on the 200lb burly tough volunteer helping us...again, fantastic volunteer staff!!! After his "catch" we went to the cleaning station where Brian said to the man helping him "please don't hurt him, okay?". Then we went off to play. Brian ran around with all of his little friends and had a great time. As I sat and watched I was overwhelmed by the number of children who live with a disability and my heart ached for these little ones and it was then that I realized why I didn't want to go today. I am sure I subconsciously was aware of the feelings I would face by going. My sadness was quickly overcome with a huge feeling of peace. I continued to watch as these kids played and communicated, most times without saying a word to each other. It was almost like watching the waves of the ocean...perfectly timed and in sync. Brian was at home with these children...they speak his language, love unconditionally, and have no expectations or judgement of one another...they allow one another to just be. I was actually sad when they said it was time to go. On the bus ride home my Little B sang "My Country" with his buddies and entertained us all with a free concert. On a daily basis I feel the need to "explain" Brian to anyone he talks to. I am so afraid he will be judged or made fun of for his social skills and quirky comments. Today I didn't once feel the need to do that. I am so grateful for Brian and completely humbled that I get to raise him. I get it Brian, I'll be talking about next year's trip tomorrow too.
fish noun, 1) an animal that lives in the sea, seafood, verb, 2) to try to catch a fish or get something from someone
3 comments:
Wow, Jen. You had already told me the story and I still cried when I read it! You wrote that very well and I totally understand what you mean.
Brian is awesome! and lucky to have such great parents, way to go Jen!
You are so lucky to have Brian. He is lucky to have you as well. I don't think you should ever feel like you need to apologize to people or explain to them but I also understand why you feel that way. He is a joy and I love to be around him!! He honestly does brighten my day when I see him!
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